I just realized that I’ve been so busy since I relocated to California that this blog more or less became a dead blog (instagram posts aside).

So many things have happened since I came here that I don’t think I can fit everything in one kilometric post (or I probably can, but I will probably end up boring you with my ramblings, if I haven’t yet). I was planning to write a summary and a thank you for all the adventures and experiences I’ve had in 2012, but I was down in Orange County celebrating the official start of a relationship that I thought would last for years, but only lasted for a month and a half.

I’m doing good, work is great and I’ve adjusted pretty well. I still miss all the people that I left when I came here, but at the same time I’ve also met some amazing and fun people here, so I guess that’s all good.

I’d like to say that I’m happy overall, but I can’t. I met someone and in the short time that I’ve known her, I loved her. I still do. The first weeks since we started to get to know each other was electric. I appreciate a lot of women but rarely fall for anyone, but when I do, it’s one of those sorta ‘love at first sight’ moments where I just know that that person is going to be important and play a significant part in my life.

We broke up in the weirdest of ways. She thought I broke up with her through text when I didn’t and when I told her that I still want to keep the relationship, she told me she wanted to start over as friends. She wasn’t really over her ex when we became a couple, but she’s the one who initiated and I asked her if she was ready and she was sure, because I could wait…the last thing that I wanted was to be someone’s rebound, but at the end of the day that’s all that I was to her.

We met up with each other again last week, 2 months after we broke up. ..I probably shouldn’t have done it, because I went to spend 2 nights at her place before I went to Dinah Shore, this massive lesbian 4-day event at Palm Springs, and I think that just gave me some bad juju because the whole point of going to Dinah was to meet new people and have fun, but instead I just had to see her and remind myself of what I can’t have anymore. 

I cut my trip to Palm Springs short and went back to her place and spent another 2 nights there. You probably think I’m crazy, don’t you? I guess I am.

I still want her. I think I always will. It’s crazy because we weren’t even together that long. Usually I”m the one who gets over people quickly. I guess this is karma bitch slapping me on the face, huh?

I spent several days at her place but we only hung out as friends because that’s what she wants and I don’t want to force her to be with me in the way that I want because I know that it will only make her become more distant and I don’t want to lose her, even as a friend. I can’t believe I’ve reached a new level of being pathetic, jesus.

After all the stress that I had with my 2 previous relationships I promised myself that I won’t get into one that has too much drama. I mean, that was the point of taking 2 years off dating and making an effort to meet someone, but I guess people can’t really choose the people that they fall for :/

You know what’s even crazier? I’m moving to Orange County so we can be room mates. Not housemates, but actual room mates, as in sharing a room together. I don’t know why I’m torturing myself like this.

Being with her last week and this week was already torture because she was so near, she was right there, but I couldn’t be as close as I wish I could be. And now I’m actually going to give up my perfect apartment in the perfect location with my perfect roommates, just to be with this girl who is the cause of both my happiness and my misery.

But I feel like this is something that I need to do…I still believe that there’s something there, and I’d rather regret trying and failing than regretting not trying. I can always move back to LA if things don’t work out I guess.

Ah well. I feel like I’m setting myself up for depression with what I’m about to do, but I’ve always been a risk taker, so I’ll take the risk and the consequences that come with it.

Ugh, sorry…first blog in 5-6 months and instead of rambling about happy things I end up whining about a girl :/

I hope that the next time that I post something it will have a happier tone, until then, wish me luck, tumblr!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just had my first Thanksgiving with some friends and it was great, one lesson though: always buy wine in advance, I went everywhere looking for some and almost every place was closed, but I found one in the end so that was a relief!

I was originally planning to volunteer to feed the homeless but it turns out that all of their slots are filled up, which I guess is a good thing, because it’s great that a lot of people are willing to donate their time to help out the less fortunate. 

This year I definitely have a lot to be thankful for…getting the chance to travel to all the places that I’ve been to, having memorable experiences like skydiving and bungy jumping, finally traveling to Japan, staying in Bali, meeting all the great people that I’ve met during my travels, and finally moving to LA to keep doing what I love to do the most.

I hope you’re all having a great Thanksgiving tonight!

Chatting with my best childhood friends at midnight, they’re the best girl friends anyone can ever have. It’s nice to know that even if I’m in the west coast, one is in the east coast, and the other one is on the opposite side of the globe, we still find time to catch up and have hilarious online conversations!

*Sigh* I hope we can all meet up and hang out, it’s been 5 years since I’ve seen the one who lives in NY, and who knows how long it’s gonna be until I see the one who’s still in Manila?!

It’s nice to know that no matter how much time had passed since we last saw each other it always feels like no one left when we finally do get to talk or hang out. I guess there’s a reason why they’ll always be in my life <3

This month has been a CRAZY month, I spent the first week and a half preparing to leave Bali, did lots of last minute stuff there, then once I flew back to Manila it was the same—-scheduling meet ups with different circle of friends one last time, going to the US Embassy, buying all kinds of stuff…I didn’t even get to finish unpacking my bags from Bali up until the time I had to pack for the US on my last day and it was crazy!

I think it was the same when I came home from Japan/Boracay more than 2 months ago…I just stared at my bags for a few days until I had to pack a different bag for Bali…I was only in Manila for 1 week then, and I was only in Manila for 2 weeks before I left for the US last week.

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

So I’m finally in Pasadena and so far it’s been good, I’ve done a bit of exploring and even went to Santa Monica with a friend. Sucks that I don’t have my own car yet though, but I need to learn how to drive first anyway…I hope I can settle those before the year ends so I can go out and explore more.

I got a bit sad on the day of my flight, because I felt that I could have and should have explored more, and because this is the biggest move that I’ve done in my life.

I’ve worked in Singapore for more than a year but it’s different because Singapore is SO small and in the same timezone and flying home would only take 4 hours, it was so easy to go back, and I already had close friends there.

But moving from Manila to Pasadena is entirely different…first of all, it’s across the Pacific. Secondly, it’s in a completely different timezone, and I don’t have any close friends or family nearby. I do know some people who live in LA but it’s not like I can just go there whenever I want to (hello LA traffic, hello non-existent car at the moment! :p) :(

But I don’t regret my decision to move at all. I’m nervous but at the same time I am really excited because I feel like I can relate more to people here with regards to what art,design, and my hobbies, plus, the chance to enhance my skills and meet like-minded people is even better!

And I really want to hike on those mountains, damn it. I was a city girl and hiking anywhere before would require 2-3 hours of travel (single trip) and that just sucked.

Oh and did I mention that there are skydiving schools in LA? I’m totally going to enroll in one as soon as I can!

My biggest problem as a designer is that I always get struck by all these good ideas for new projects when I’m in neck deep into something or during ungodly hours (like 1-3am) and by the time I have enough free time to work on them either the momentum is already gone or I’m already distracted by something else. Sigh.

I do keep a file somewhere where I type in all of the ideas that I have, but the list has grown too much, I just hope I’ll have the time to actually work on them before the turn of the century :/

The other day, someone asked me why I don’t draw anymore, and it kind of made me think and made me a little sad because all I could answer was that I don’t have time for it.

I somehow lost the passion that I used to have for it. I tried so hard to get back into drawing outside of my profession again—-I tried with tumblr challenges, sketchbook collabs, collecting themes and ideas that I have on my Evernote, but somehow I can’t fully commit to it anymore and it’s frustrating because I know that if I’m passionate enough for it I will find a way to make time, but I can’t :/

I’ve been drawing since forever…my mom saved my first drawing when I was 3, I still have tons of envelopes and folders with all the drawings and cards that I’ve done for myself and for everyone since I was 3 up to probably high school.

I used to be involved in the local comics industry when I was still in college….my friends and I formed a group in the last 2 years of high school (they succeeded and have their own comics and digital art studio now) then the leading comic company during that time took me in as an apprentice and I eventually became a locally published comic artist

But it wasn’t what I thought it would be and I think that in the end I realized that it’s not what I wanted to do, and on hindsight I think that may be the reason why I lost the passion that I had for it because I got so disillusioned when I finally got what I thought I wanted (to become a comic artist). I probably stopped drawing then.

Sigh. I really really want to get back to it again though…not creating comics, but drawing illustrations and creating some digital paintings.

Last year was the first time that I’ve drawn/digitally painted something that’s not work related and I just feel that everyone improved and left me behind and it sucks.

Ah well. 

I’m still really excited about the animated short that I plan on finishing next year. I hope that will somehow reignite the passion that I’ve been trying to resurrect for a few years now :/

Uh okay just found out that Laura Petracca has a tumblr holy jesus freaking christ I’m not really into boyish girls but crapppp she is the cutest xoxo

Got locked out of my room, too bad spare keys arrived before I could start a career in  lock picking

I know it’s not even the end of the year yet, but I just have to make a list of the things that I need to at least start working on once 2013 starts (I will probably add more to this as the time goes by but hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish some of them by the end of 2013!!

Things-that-I-need-to-accomplish-or-at-least-try-to-tackle-before-I-die-or-ideally-as-soon-as-possible-aka-things-that-are-in-my-temporary-bucket-list:

• Finally get serious with P90-freaking-X
• Become stronger and do those yoga handstands
• Slacklining!
• Learn how to swim ASAP (2 months in Bali and I still can’t swim wtf)
• Train and participate in Tough Mudder, hopefully by Fall 2013!
• Travel all around Europe
• Stargaze at Isle of Sark
• Attend the Festival of Colors
• Join a zombie marathon
• Attend the 10-day summer skydiving training in Italy with the New Zealand team from Taupo (hopefully next year or 2014!!!)
• Learn how to base jump
• Become a jump master (bungy jumping)
• Technical mountain climbing!
• Become a licensed diver (but learn how to swim first, of course)
• Submit an animated short to Sundance and other film festivals
• Buy a boat!

If I can tackle even half of this by next year I’ll be so proud of myself!

What’s your list?

…Sometimes I wish that I can travel through space and television because I want nothing more than to snatch that god damned yellow umbrella in How I Met Your Mother jesus freaking christ 8 seasons and she’s still being obscured by it arghhhhhh

I just finished designing a simple shirt that we will sell to help raise money for the Wildlife Way Station cause that several friends and I have been working on for the past 2 months.

I’m really excited to see what the output will look like, and I hope they sell well because if they do, then we will probably come up with more designs to help raise more money.

I will probably send out a link to the said shirt when it’s ready for selling, in the mean time, please feel free to donate any spare cash that you have via this link:

http://www.causes.com/actions/1663482

…I never should’ve drank that double cappucino that tasted more like it’s a quadruple espresso drink. 1 am, 12 hours of doing wireframes and I am still wide awake! I need to rest and to sleep but I can’t. Argh.

I am in desperate need of a massage and some R&R can this week just jump to Saturday already? 

Oh god it’s been such an epic week I thought it couldn’t get better but it did!!!

My work visa for the US finally got approved after 4 months of waiting!!!! I am SO relieved because I’ve been stressing out about it for a long time and to finally get a heads up that it’s been approved is just so fucking relieving holy crap!

There’s still gonna be a lot of things to do like a final interview for the visa stamping and medical checkups etc but at least the biggest hurdle is over!!!!

Good news = best hangover cure in the world!

See you soon, LA!!!!

Welp. I don’t even know why I care, I never really cared about this particular industry but then I did ugh I guess all I’m trying to say is I hate sellouts and it’s sad when you realize that someone you had a lot of respect for and you think has a lot of potential end up being one.

I’m finally finally sorting through my gazillion photos of my Japan trip…I’ve been at it for 3 hours but I’m not even halfway through!

I miss Japan now :( all the times that we ran around chasing trains and getting lost, eating rice balls from convenience stores because we’re trying to make the most out of our days of exploring (and well we were also trying to save some money), meeting and hanging out with fellow travelers from other hostels, eating good food, waking up at 3am and paying an exorbitant amount of taxi cab fare to witness a tuna auction and eat the freshest best ever tuna in the universe right after, going to the Fuji Rock Festival and sleeping on the pavement outside the train station and racing inside to catch the first train back to Tokyo so we can get back to Osaka and fly out on time…ugh!

I will definitely go back someday!